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  Normally, I’d be crushed by this. Normally, I’d protest, I’d cry, I’d rail against how unfair they’re being. But right now, I don’t care. Because I’m thinking, Tomorrow, I’ll be gone. And you are going to be sorry.

  So I just shrug my shoulders and continue to the bathroom.

  “Abby, wait …” Mom says.

  I turn to face her. She stands there looking at me with this pleading expression on her face.

  “What’s come over you, Abby? Why are you being like this?”

  Why am I being like this? Tears well up in my eyes when my mother asks me that, because it just shows me that Luke’s right. I want to tell her that the reason I’m being like this is because this is who I am, and ask her why she can’t just love me this way.

  But instead I just say, “Whatever,” and go lock myself in the bathroom, where I cry in the shower and imagine what it’s going to be like when I finally meet Luke tomorrow.

  CHAPTER 12

  DECEMBER 7

  I’m up at five the next morning. Well, it’s not like I wake up, because I didn’t really sleep a whole lot, just dozed fitfully between weird dreams and waking imaginings of my meeting with Luke. It’s hard to imagine anything beyond our initial encounter — that’s just this big unknown. But I know it will all be good, because Luke really loves me. And in a few days, I can come home and hopefully my parents will realize that I’m not just some straight-A machine — that I’m a thinking human being with feelings, and that once in a while even perfect Abby might get a stupid D on a frickin’ math test and it’s not the end of the world. I mean, sure they’re going to freak out and be really pissed. I’m sure they’ll totally ground me. But wait — I already AM grounded so it’s not like I’ve got a whole lot to lose, is it? Once my parents get over the initial freak-out and being mad at me, though, I think they’ll see that some little kid wouldn’t have been able to arrange all this — that this kind of planning takes brains and … I don’t know … maturity. They’ll realize that they need to start treating me like a grown-up instead of a kid. They’ll realize they need to start treating me the way Luke does.

  I put more thought into my outfit for meeting Luke than I did for the first day of school, because I actually care about this first impression. Not that he hasn’t already seen me on video chat, but I don’t want him to be disappointed when he sees me in real life. I wear my tight, skinny-leg jeans and a green sweater that’s soft to the touch and that Faith says brings out the color of my eyes. I even put on makeup and a spritz of perfume that I stole from my mother’s bathroom. I don’t want to wear the stuff Aunt Penny got me, because it reminds me of Billy. I tuck the makeup and Mom’s perfume into my backpack and head downstairs for breakfast. I want to be out the door early.

  I’m too nervous to really eat much, but I figure I’d better down something. Lily comes into the kitchen just as I’m taking the last Eggo waffle out of the package.

  “Hey! I was going to have that!” she whines.

  “You snooze, you lose,” I tell her. “Have a Pop-Tart.”

  “But I don’t like them! You have the Pop-Tart.”

  “Um, no. I got here first. The Eggo is mine.”

  The funny thing is, I don’t even want the stupid waffle. But there’s no way I’m going to let Evil Snitch-Face have it. I’m going to make myself eat it just to spite her.

  I manage about half before I feel like I’m going to barf and I end up throwing the rest away, which provokes even more whining from Lily about how I should have let her eat it. Tough. Maybe she should have thought about that before being such a pain in the butt all the time.

  My backpack is pretty stuffed, but I squeeze in a Nutri-Grain bar, just in case I get hungry later. I’m just about to go out the door when Dad walks into the kitchen.

  “You leaving already?” he says.

  “Yeah — I don’t want to have to run for the bus.”

  He comes over and gives me a kiss good-bye. I stand there stiffly, because I’m still mad at him.

  “Have a good day, sweetheart. And hang in there. You’re my smart girl. I know you can do better if you just put your mind to it.”

  Dad hugs me, and sniffs.

  “You smell nice. I like that perfume, honey.”

  You should. You bought it for Mom.

  “Thanks. Bye, Dad.”

  As I walk away from the house, away from my dad and my mom and even my brat of a sister, I feel like I’m sitting at the top of a really tall roller coaster, about to careen down at full speed. It hits me that I’m going to meet this guy Luke, who I love, but don’t really know except for on the Internet. But what I have with Luke seems more real to me than anything in my so-called “real” life. He understands me better than my parents; he knows me better than my friends. Sometimes I think Luke knows me better than I know myself.

  Faith waves to me when I get on the bus. I haven’t been sitting with her all the time lately, because sometimes I just can’t stand to hear her going on about Ted and how amazing and intellectual he is. Like, I get it, you’ve got a boyfriend. Or how fun Gracie is. Like, I get it. I’m not fun. But today, I want to be with her, because … well, because. Because no matter what, she’s Faith, and it’s hard to remember when she wasn’t my best friend.

  I accidentally put my backpack down on her leg when I sit next to her.

  “What have you got in there, Abs? Rocks?”

  “No. Just my math and science books. I have tests coming up in both subjects, so I took them home to study.”

  I realize right after I say it that Faith has Mr. Evans for math, too, so she’ll know I’m lying about the math test because she just took the same one I got the D on. (She got a B-plus. I lied and told her I got the same.) But luckily, she doesn’t seem to notice, because she’s too busy admiring my outfit.

  “You look so pretty today, Abby! I love that sweater on you. It really brings out the green in your eyes.”

  “Yeah. I think you’ve mentioned that once or twice before.”

  “And you’re wearing makeup, too!”

  “Well, you know. Might as well make a good one hundredth — or whatever it is — impression.”

  Faith laughs.

  “That’s true. So how are things going with Church Retreat Guy?”

  If only you knew …

  “Things are going really well, actually. Who knows? Maybe sometime we can double-date.”

  Now that I’m actually going to meet Luke, maybe this isn’t such a crazy possibility. Is it? Now that we’re going to be real-life boyfriend and girlfriend we can do things like go to the movies and stuff, like Ted and Faith do. Like I did with Billy that one time.

  “Oh, Abby, that would be so awesome! I would love that. We hardly ever get to hang out these days. I miss you.”

  She looks at me like she really means it. I feel like telling her that I’ve been here all along, that it’s her who’s been off doing all these other things and leaving me behind. But what’s the point? I’m meeting Luke today and I don’t want to spoil my mood. I want to leave Faith on good terms.

  “I miss you, too. Let’s try to spend some more time together — maybe when the play’s over or something.”

  “Yeah, it’s been so crazy busy with rehearsals and stuff. But when it’s over, definitely.”

  When we get to school, I wave good-bye to Faith, but instead of turning to go to my locker right away, I stand and watch her go down the hall until she’s swallowed up by the hordes of other students. Part of me wants to run after her and confide what I’m really doing today. But then I remember how she told her dad about how I fainted at the auditions after she promised not to. Luke’s right. I can’t trust Faith the way I used to. I can’t really trust anyone except for him.

  The morning drags so slowly I want to scream. Normally in homeroom, I’m barely awake, but today I’m sitting up straight watching the clock, my foot tapping.

  “What’s got into you, Johnston?” Tyrone asks me. “You drink too much cof
fee this morning?”

  It’s as good an excuse as any for the wired sensation that’s running through my veins.

  I hold out my hands, so he can see how they’re trembling. Little does he know it’s got nothing to do with caffeine.

  “Yeah. Those extra-large Dunkaccinos will do it every time.”

  “Girl, you’re gonna give yourself a heart attack if you keep that up,” Ty warns me.

  We both laugh as the bell rings for first period.

  I suffer through Spanish and art, then it’s finally science. Billy’s already there, reading the handout on the desk about our experiment. He looks up and smiles at me when I put my textbook down. I realized when I got to my locker this morning that, like a moron, I left my science notebook at home on my desk. I guess I wasn’t exactly thinking so clearly this morning when I left.

  “You look really pretty today,” Billy says. I notice he’s checking out my sweater.

  Why do I blush when he says stuff like that, even though I’m going to meet Luke as soon as this period’s over?

  “Uh … thanks, I guess. So, does the experiment look complicated today? Please say no, because I’ve had too much caffeine and my hands are all shaky.”

  I hold them out for him to see. He grasps my hands to still them. His palms are warm and dry.

  “Wow, Abby, your hands are freezing!”

  He starts to rub them, one at a time.

  I’m the jealous type.

  I pull my hand away quickly.

  “Thanks. I’m fine, really. Just … uh … bad circulation, you know.”

  Grabbing the lab handout, I start to read it intently. Or pretend to read it, because it’s hard to concentrate on anything right now.

  “Luckily for you, there’s no pouring and measuring today,” Billy says.

  “Too right,” I agree, although I don’t look at him when I say it. I’m afraid to. I glance at the clock quickly. I just have another forty minutes to live through and then I am so out of here.

  Billy’s right. The lab does look pretty easy today. We’re just taking swabs of things and putting them on petri dishes to see what bacteria grow.

  We have to take one from the inside of each other’s mouths. Can you spell a-w-k-w-a-r-d?

  “I wish I’d remembered to use Listerine this morning,” Billy jokes before I take his swab.

  “Yeah, it’s safer to kiss a dog than to kiss a human, you know. Fewer bacteria in their mouths. I saw it on MythBusters.”

  “Maybe,” Billy says. “But I’d just like to remind you that I don’t eat my own poop or lick my private parts.”

  Then, as if he just realizes what he’s said, he turns bright red. I crack up.

  “Just open your mouth so I can take a swab, okay?”

  He nods, and opens wide.

  I swab his cheek and wipe the cotton bud across the petri dish, then close it and label it — Billy Fisher 12/7.

  “Do you have a train to catch?” Billy asks.

  “What?”

  “You keep looking at the clock every thirty seconds. I was just wondering if you had a train to catch.”

  Not a train. A bus.

  I fake a laugh.

  “Good one. No, I just didn’t eat much for breakfast, so I’m counting down until lunch.”

  Billy takes a step closer to me and whispers, “I’ve got a Snickers bar. Do you want me to sneak you some?”

  Even though I was lying about the lunch thing, the thought of chocolate sounds pretty good.

  “Yes, please!”

  He surreptitiously slides the candy bar out from his binder, unwraps it under the lab desk, breaks off a piece, and hands it to me under the desk. I drop my pencil and bend down, stuff it in my mouth, and chew.

  I’m half giggling while I’m chewing because this is so naughty. We’re not supposed to eat in the classrooms and especially not stuff with peanuts in case someone has an allergy. Billy’s already stood up and continued with the experiment, but his hand reaches down and gently brushes over my hair. I almost choke.

  I’m the jealous type.

  Doesn’t he understand that I’m Luke’s now? That in — I glance up at the clock again — just over an hour I’m going to meet the man I love for the very first time?

  I swallow the rest of the Snickers and stand up.

  “Come on, let’s go swab the water fountain,” I say, determined to be all business. I’m going to focus on the experiment until this never-ending period is over.

  When the bell rings for the end of science, I want to scream with relief. At last, it’s time to go, time to go meet the man who loves me.

  “Hey, Abby —”

  “Sorry, Billy, can’t talk now, I’ve got a math quiz,” I tell him, trying to ignore the hurt, confused look on his face as I practically run out of the classroom to my locker. I dump my books and grab my backpack and then head down toward the gym, which is the best place to sneak out of the building without getting caught. I hear the bell ring just as I shut the door behind me. It feels like everyone is watching me as I walk away from the school toward the street, and I keep expecting some administrator to call me back, but nothing happens. I get to the bus stop and stand there, waiting for the bus, my stomach turning over from nerves.

  I turn off my parents’ cell phone because I don’t want to hear from them, and I turn on Luke’s. I text him that I’m on my way. Just as the bus arrives he texts me back:

  Can’t wait to see u, baby!

  Staring out of the bus window, I’m trying to see Luke in my mind. Will he look like he did on my screen? Will it feel right when we meet each other, or awkward? I’m excited, but suddenly, I’m crazy nervous. What if he doesn’t like me in real life?

  By the time I get off at the Galleria stop, I’m all sweaty, so I go to the first ladies’ room I see to freshen up before I meet Luke. I take off my coat and wash under my arms with a paper towel, then put on more deodorant and another spritz of Mom’s perfume. I make sure my makeup looks okay and brush my hair. Then, figuring this is the best it’s going to get, I head up to Cookie Madness.

  He’s not there.

  My heart sinks. Maybe he got caught in traffic or he went to the men’s room. I decide to buy two cookies, one for me and one for him. I buy myself a milk to go with mine, but I don’t know if Luke likes milk. I realize there’s a lot we don’t know about each other. But I guess we’ll have a chance to find out now that we’re going to meet, finally.

  I sit down at the table and nibble at my cookie, but I’m too nervous to be really hungry. Every so often, I scan the food court, but I don’t see him.

  Then I get a text.

  Hey, baby. I’m in the car waiting 4 u.

  Take elevator by Macys to P2.

  I’m in blue Ford Focus.

  I text him back K. CU in a few, grab my cookies and backpack, and head for Macy’s.

  It takes me a few minutes to find the elevator, because I’m so used to taking the escalators. But I finally do. A woman with a baby in a stroller gets into the elevator with me.

  “Can you press P2?” she says.

  “Sure. That’s where I’m going.”

  I smile at the baby. She gives me this adorable gummy grin and babbles, “A ba ba ga ga.” It almost sounds like she’s trying to say Abby.

  “She’s really cute,” I say. “How old is she?”

  “Six months,” the lady tells me. “Her name’s Samantha.”

  “Bye-bye, Samantha!” I wave when we get to P2. I get out first and put my hand in front of the door so it doesn’t close. Samantha waves her chubby little fist back at me as her mom wheels her out of the elevator.

  I see Luke’s blue car outside the glass doors to the elevator area. My lips feel dry again so I reach into my coat pocket to reapply my ChapStick. I feel like I’m in a dream as I walk toward the car, my heart thudding against the wall of my chest. I can see the outline of Luke’s profile. He’s wearing the Red Sox hat, just like he said he would. One of the songs from his “S
exy” music mix is playing on the car stereo.

  I open the car door. I can hear Samantha babbling behind me.

  “Hey, beautiful,” Luke says, smiling at me. There are a few more lines on his face than I noticed on the computer screen, but other than that, he’s the same Luke. The car smells faintly of cigarette smoke.

  He pats the seat next to him.

  I’m about to get in when someone calls, “Hold on! Wait!”

  I turn around. It’s Samantha’s mom.

  “Is this your glove?” she asks, holding up one of my blue wool gloves from Old Navy. “I think it fell out of your pocket.”

  “Oh, thanks!” I tell her. Samantha is giving me a big grin showing off her three teeth. I touch her waving hand and for an instant feel her warm, velvety soft skin. “Bye-bye, cutie-pie!”

  Her mom smiles at me, and glances at the car briefly, before pushing the stroller away.

  I look back in the car. Luke’s hunched down, his hat farther over his face than it was before.

  “I bought you a cookie,” I tell him. I feel like a total dork the minute the words leave my mouth.

  “Well, isn’t that sweet? And you’re even more gorgeous in person,” he says. “Why don’t you hop in and we can get to know each other better?”

  I want to say that we already know each other, we love each other, but I guess he just means in real life. I throw my backpack in the backseat and take my place in the front. Then I shut the door and he drives away.

  PART II

  CHAPTER 13

  LILY DECEMBER 7 10:00 P.M.

  Abby’s gone and it’s all my fault.

  When I got home from school this afternoon there was, like, this weird emptiness. It’s not like Abby’s usually there welcoming me home with milk and cookies or anything, like Shelley Adkin’s mom does, except Shelley’s mom gives her “healthy snacks” instead of cookies. But this afternoon the house was super quiet — none of that “Baw, baw, I’m so depressed” emo music blaring from Abby’s room like it usually is. I called out, “Abby? Abs, are you home?” but — nothing. I looked around the kitchen to see if there was a note but there wasn’t.