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  “Like you were ever going to impress me with how cool you were.”

  He punches me lightly on the arm as we walk to the car.

  “Just you wait, Abby Johnston. My coolness will hit you like a tsunami. You will be carried along by its raging power. You will be turned into a freaking icicle by the frostiness of my cool.”

  I roll my eyes.

  “Yeah, whatever, Iceman. Let’s just go to the movies, okay?”

  If I thought it was awkward having to make conversation with Billy’s mom in the car, it’s even more weird when it’s me and Billy sitting in the back of a darkened movie theater. First, our arms touch on the armrest between us. I quickly move mine away. I wonder if he’s going to try to hold my hand. I keep my soda in the hand closest to him so he can’t, because I’m not sure if I want him to. Then, I feel his shoulder touching mine, at first lightly, then with increasing pressure, like he’s gradually leaning closer to me. Then he moves his hand to the armrest and I’m worrying if the next stop is going to be my knee.

  I can’t concentrate on the movie because I’m so busy worrying about what Billy’s next move is going to be. Although I’m trying to focus on the screen, out of the corner of my eye I see his pinkie finger dangling off the armrest an inch or so above my leg and that’s what my brain focuses on. Where will that little piggy go next?

  With Luke, I never have to worry about this stuff. I always know where Luke is — he’s safely in my computer, where I don’t have to deal with real-life hands and pinkie fingers and leaning shoulders and OMG, is he going to try to kiss me? thoughts.

  Except right now Luke isn’t safely in your computer. Right now you have no idea where Luke is, or if he’ll ever speak to you again.

  The thought brings a lump to my throat. I cannot and will not cry here. Billy will think I’m a total freak and I want him to like me, even if I’m not sure if I want him to like me, like me.

  Billy’s pinkie lands on my knee, a small dot of warmth next to the cold where my soda rests. I glance at him, briefly, but he’s staring straight ahead, like he’s totally absorbed in the movie, like nothing’s happened, like his pinkie hasn’t accidentally on purpose strayed into foreign territory.

  Slowly, the rest of his fingers follow his Lewis and Clark pinkie onto my knee, and I have to move my cup to the other knee (and hand) to make room for them. Which means that now my right hand is cup-less and kind of hanging around with nothing to do and nowhere to go. It hangs in the air aimlessly for a few seconds until Billy’s hand comes over to grasp it and then they both come to rest on my knee, together, entwined.

  And there I am sitting in the back of the movie theater holding hands with Billy Fisher, wondering what Luke would think of all this.

  What does it matter what Luke thinks? It’s not like he cares, right? You haven’t spoken to him in days. He’s probably ditched you. You were probably some big joke to him. Like, let’s play around with some kid’s head. Let’s pretend that I’m totally into some fourteen-year-old girl and laugh my ass off about it with my friends.

  I feel angry all of a sudden, an anger that has nothing to do with the boy I’m sitting next to and everything to do with a person I’ve never met. That anger makes me want to get back at Luke. To hurt him the way he’s hurt me.

  I rest my head on Billy’s shoulder, and feel him take a deep breath before he rests his head on top of mine. His thumb strokes the back of my hand, gently. Billy, Billy, Billy, I think. No more Luke. Forget Luke. Delete Luke from your brain. From now on it’s Billy all the way. Well, not ALL the way. But this is okay.

  The problem is, Luke’s words keep popping into my head.

  “Ur the hottest chick I’ve seen in long time … Srsly, Abby, ur really pretty. I don’t know why u don’t think so … I’d be jealous …”

  Must. Shut. Him. Out. I close my eyes and will myself to think of anything other than Luke. Puppies. Flowers. The characteristics of living things. Billy. Mom better not ask me what this movie was about because I haven’t got any clue at all. I’ll have to read the summary on IMDb.com.

  And then I feel Billy’s breath on the side of my face. Oh shit, he’s going to kiss me. Sure enough, his lips graze my cheek and then his free hand takes my chin and turns my face toward him and then he’s kissing my lips. I’ve still got my eyes and my mouth closed but he opens his mouth and I can feel his tongue pushing against my teeth.

  I’d be jealous …

  I relax my mouth and we’re kissing and it’s a lot nicer than it was with Roger Hunter behind the bushes at the eighth-grade picnic. A whole lot nicer. Billy’s mouth tastes like popcorn and Twizzlers, and he isn’t trying to suffocate me with his tongue like Roger did.

  “You smell sooooo good, Abby,” Billy whispers when he comes up for air. “It’s driving me crazy.”

  Maybe that little bottle of stuff from Sephora is Amanda Armitage’s secret. I wonder if I wear this stuff to math class on Monday, if Nick Peters will magically remember my name. I don’t think Billy’s going to be forgetting it any time soon.

  We spend the rest of the movie making out. At one point his hand starts to creep upward from my knee but I put my hand on top of his and keep it locked there. I’m not ready to do anything more than kiss.

  When the movie ends and the lights start to come on, I pull away from him.

  “I’ve got to go to the bathroom,” I say, and I trip over people in our row who are sitting there like lumps just reading the credits. What’s so important, dude? Do you really need to know the name of the key grip and the best boy?

  My reflection in the bathroom mirror doesn’t look any different, except my lip gloss is totally kissed off, but I feel strange and I’m not sure what I’m going to see in Billy’s face when I come out of the bathroom and what he’ll see in mine.

  What I see is him standing there with his hands in his pockets, and his face smiling this cute, shy smile that gets really bright when he sees me.

  I wonder if he can sense the confusion I’m feeling right now. If he knows that while I was feeling his lips on my mouth I kept hearing Luke’s words in my head. No, he can’t know that. If he did, he wouldn’t be smiling at me like that.

  “Hey,” he says, taking my hand.

  “Hey.”

  “Good movie, huh?”

  I look at him and roll my eyes.

  “Um, yeah. What little I remember of it.”

  “Well, I took the precaution of reading up on the plot,” he says. “You know, just in case.”

  I pull my hand away from his.

  “What, you expected this to happen?”

  Billy’s cheeks flush red. “Of course not, Abby! Jeez. But … I mean … I hoped. You can’t blame a guy for hoping.”

  I guess I can’t.

  “Okay, so what was this movie we just saw all about, exactly?”

  Unfortunately, my parents are in the family room watching a movie when Billy’s mom drops me at home, so I get the third degree.

  “How was your date, honey?” Mom asks.

  “She had a date?” Dad says. “How come I didn’t know about this? I’m supposed to meet the boy first with a shotgun in hand to scare him off.”

  “OMG, Dad, get a life!”

  “Yes, Rick dear, get a life. The Cro-Magnon era ended years ago.” Mom laughs. “So, Abby, tell me about the movie.”

  I repeat everything Billy told me about the movie, and fortunately Mom and Dad sound convinced that I actually saw it.

  “He took you to see that movie on a date?” Dad says, shaking his head. “I tell you, kids these days …”

  “And how did it go with your young man?” Mom asks, nudging Dad to be quiet.

  “Good, I guess. And will you stop with the my-young-man stuff?”

  “That’s it? That’s all we get? ‘Good, I guess’?” Dad complains.

  Someone save me from my parents.

  I roll my eyes. “I’m going to my room. See you in the morning.”

  “I guess that’s
all we’re getting,” I hear Mom say as I head upstairs. I’m lucky Lily’s at a sleepover or else she’d probably be interrogating me, too.

  My laptop sings its siren call as soon as I walk in my room. I make a conscious effort to ignore it. I decide to give myself one of Lily’s face masks, even though I’m convinced they don’t do anything except make you look really stupid while they’re on your face, and then I take a blissfully long shower, since I know Lily’s not around to complain about me using up all the hot water.

  As the steam slowly clears to reveal my mirrored reflection, I try to figure out what it is that Billy finds attractive about me. Ur the hottest chick I’ve seen in long time…. I wonder if Billy thinks I’m hot. I wonder if Luke really thought I was the hottest chick he’d seen in a long time or if that was just a typical guy line, the kind of thing he’d say to any girl.

  All I can see is my usual self, which doesn’t seem that hot at all. I mean, yeah, I’ve always had a bigger chest than most girls my age, which wasn’t exactly a picnic in fifth grade when I was the first one to get a bra and somehow it became common knowledge and a mark of pride for all the boys to ping my bra strap. I guess my hair isn’t that bad — it’s long and auburn. But I’m no Amanda Armitage and I know it. And all the boys know it, too.

  But Billy Fisher seems to like me. Like me, like me. I close my eyes and think about kissing him, and run my hands over my body. But then I open them and see myself in the mirror and feel like a total freak. I can’t put my pajamas on fast enough to cover me all up.

  Then I’m back in my room and the computer is beckoning. This time I give in, taking it to my bed and logging on.

  Almost as soon as I get on to ChezTeen.com, I see a spiky-haired, leather-jacketed avatar and my heartbeat quickens.

  BlueSkyBoi: Hey, baby!

  AbyAngel99: Where’ve u been?!!

  BlueSkyBoi: Y? Did u miss me? ;-)

  I feel like throwing something at the computer screen. How can he be so … casual about the fact that he just dropped off the face of the freaking earth for three days! I decide I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of letting him know how I basically lost it when he disappeared from my life with no warning. No, he’s not going to hear one peep about sleepless nights and lack of appetite or checking his online status every five minutes. Nuh-uh.

  AbyAngel99: No, not at all. Been too busy.

  BlueSkyBoi: Busy doing what?

  AbyAngel99: Stuff.

  He asks me to go private, and I agree right away. Chat room name: BlueSkyBoi

  BlueSkyBoi: Stuff like what?

  AbyAngel99: U know. School. Studying 4 science test.

  Might as well take this all the way. I take a deep breath and type.

  AbyAngel99: Going on a date.

  I watch the pencil icon that shows he’s typing, waiting to see his response.

  BlueSkyBoi: A date? With a guy?

  AbyAngel99: No, with an alien zombie unicorn. ;-p Duh!

  BlueSkyBoi: :-l U 2-timing me?

  BlueSkyBoi: I told u, I’m the jealous type.

  Yes, you did tell me. And after all the misery I felt over the last few days wondering why you weren’t speaking to me, it’s kind of good to know that I’m making you suffer a little, too.

  AbyAngel99: Well, it’s not like u were around.

  BlueSkyBoi: So the minute I turn my back ur off with another guy?

  AbyAngel99: Where were u anyway?

  BlueSkyBoi: I had to work late and then I had a stomach flu. Been puking my guts out for the last few days. Not a pretty sight, let me tell u.

  I feel kind of guilty for thinking so badly of him.

  AbyAngel99: Poor baby.

  BlueSkyBoi: Yeah, coulda done with a hot nurse like u.

  BlueSkyBoi: So tell me about this guy.

  BlueSkyBoi: Who is he?

  AbyAngel99: He’s a guy from my science class.

  BlueSkyBoi: Have u gone out with him before?

  AbyAngel99: No, this was the 1st time.

  BlueSkyBoi: What did u do?

  AbyAngel99: We studied 4 our science test then went to the movies.

  BlueSkyBoi: I mean what did u do? Did Science Boy get lucky?

  AbyAngel99: Depends what u mean by lucky.

  BlueSkyBoi: Did he kiss u?

  I hesitate before answering. Part of me wants to tell him that it’s none of his business. But I kind of like the fact that he’s so jealous. It makes me feel, I don’t know, powerful, after the last few days of feeling like crap, and it’s almost like I’m compelled to spill.

  AbyAngel99: Yes.

  BlueSkyBoi: Did he feel ur tits?

  AbyAngel99: No!

  BlueSkyBoi: Did he try to get in ur pants?

  AbyAngel99: NO!

  BlueSkyBoi: Did he fuck u?

  What? We went to the freaking movies! Plus, I’m fourteen years old. Sheesh!

  AbyAngel99: OMG No!!! I said we went to the movies!! Not that any of this is ur business.

  BlueSkyBoi: What do u mean, none of my business?

  BlueSkyBoi: I thought I was ur main man.

  AbyAngel99: Yeah, well, u weren’t around. I didn’t know what happened.

  BlueSkyBoi: So u DID miss me!

  AbyAngel99: I guess.

  BlueSkyBoi: A lot?

  AbyAngel99: Maybe.

  BlueSkyBoi: Even while u were making out with Science Boy?

  Do I admit that his words echoed in my head even as I locked lips with Billy? Do I want to give Luke that satisfaction after all that pain he put me through?

  But it’s not like he was ditching me intentionally. The poor guy was sick. I mean, he’s been puking his guts out for the last few days. I guess I should cut him a little slack, right?

  AbyAngel99: Yeah. Even then.

  BlueSkyBoi: I feel better already.

  AbyAngel99:

  BlueSkyBoi: U gonna make me feel even better?

  AbyAngel99: IDK. How?

  BlueSkyBoi: Tell me ur my girl.

  I feel bathed in warmth, like someone’s wrapped me in a snuggly fleece blanket. Luke doesn’t think I’m just a stupid fourteen-year-old. He wants me to be his girl.

  AbyAngel99: I’m ur girl.

  BlueSkyBoi:

  AbyAngel99: Does that mean ur my guy?

  BlueSkyBoi: Does it ever! In fact, I want to send u something to prove it.

  AbyAngel99: What?

  BlueSkyBoi: A cell fone, so we can talk without anyone giving us a hard time. I want to hear ur voice, baby. I want to be able to talk to u all the time.

  AbyAngel99: But I already have a cell.

  BlueSkyBoi: But this will be our private fone — just between u and me.

  BlueSkyBoi: Also, I want to give u one of those cool fones that plays music so I can put special playlists on for u since we’re musical soulies.

  I’m sure my parents would totally freak if they knew I was accepting presents from someone I just know from the Internet. But I’ve always wanted a cool phone. My parents got me the basic one that comes for free and just makes and receives calls and takes a zillion keystrokes just to send one text because “it’s only for emergencies.” Guess who has a smart phone … yeah, Amanda Armitage. She got an iPhone, like, the minute they came out. My parents wouldn’t even get one for themselves, and there was Amanda all “Oh, I’ll just call insert witchy friend’s name on my iPhone.”

  AbyAngel99: Cool!

  BlueSkyBoi: So u need to give me ur address. But do u get to the mail before ur parents? We don’t want them to see it.

  AbyAngel99: No problem. My mom and dad both work and I get home from school b4 my sister.

  BlueSkyBoi: Awesome. So what’s ur addy?

  I hesitate for a second before giving him my address. We’ve had so many talks at school about Internet Safety and they always go on and on about never giving out any personal details about yourself online, blah, blah, blah. But I’ve been talking to Luke for a while now and I’m pretty sure he’s not some stalker pervert du
de. So I go ahead and tell him. I’m so psyched to get my phone. I just wish I didn’t have to keep it a secret. It would be so cool to be able to whip it out in front of everyone and show it off.

  BlueSkyBoi: Great. I’ll get it in the mail on Monday. So watch out 4 it!

  AbyAngel99: I will! I’m sooooo excited!

  BlueSkyBoi: Me 2. Can’t wait to hear ur voice.

  BlueSkyBoi: How bout giving me something to keep me happy in the meantime?

  AbyAngel99: Like what?

  BlueSkyBoi: Like a pic of u.

  AbyAngel99: ok.

  BlueSkyBoi: Topless

  I gasp when I read that, but he’s still typing.

  BlueSkyBoi: It’ll make me feel less jealous of Science Boy.

  BlueSkyBoi: Prove to me ur really my girl.

  I don’t know what to do. I really am Luke’s girl, but no one’s ever seen my boobs, ever. Well, yeah, Faith has. And my mom, but even she hasn’t recently. But no guy. But I don’t want him to disappear on me again. And I don’t want him to change his mind about sending me the cell phone.

  AbyAngel99: I … guess.

  BlueSkyBoi: OMG, baby, ur making me the happiest guy alive!

  I open Photo Booth and slowly take off my pajama top. The cool air puckers my skin and I cross my arms over my breasts, feeling more naked and exposed than I ever have in my life, even though I still have my pajama bottoms on. But I know Luke doesn’t want a picture of my arms. He wants to see what’s underneath them.

  So taking a deep breath, I lower my arms and press the camera button. It counts down, beeping, three, two, one, and the photo snaps. It’s so weird to see a picture of myself, my breasts exposed. I have to make sure I delete it as soon as I send it to Luke, because the last thing I need is for anyone, especially my parents, to see it.

  It feels kind of like stepping off a ledge as I press SEND. And then I sit there, anxiously waiting for Luke’s reaction. It doesn’t take long.

  BlueSkyBoi: Jesus, Abby, look at u. U r gorgeous, baby. U r just so incredibly beautiful.

  I guess he liked it.

  BlueSkyBoi: U cannot believe how hard I am rite now looking at u.

  BlueSkyBoi: I could break a freaking door down with my cock.

  His words are exciting and scary at the same time. They make me feel older, more grown-up, powerful. But at the same time, part of me wants to run downstairs and snuggle up on the sofa between my parents and watch a movie and eat popcorn like a little girl. I’ve had enough for one night.