Want to Go Private? Page 9

  Science lab forces me off my cloud with a bump. Not just because we’re working with chemicals, but because Billy keeps looking at me with a question in his eyes. A question that I don’t want him to ask out loud because I don’t really want to have to answer it. Because I like Billy, I really do. He’s a nice guy, and he’s smart and cute. Faith keeps asking me when I’m going out with him again. I keep saying, “I don’t know, he hasn’t asked me.” I don’t tell her that’s because I keep running away before he gets a chance, and signing off MSN the minute I see he’s online so he can’t chat with me. Like, I guess the thing I should do is just say, “Hey, Billy, it was fun but …” and make up some lame excuse. But I don’t want to do that.

  “So, how are things with my favorite lab partner?” Billy says.

  “You mean your only lab partner?”

  He grins.

  “My favorite only lab partner then, Ms. Picky.”

  I stick my tongue out at him. “Fine.”

  “So, whatcha doing this weekend?”

  Oh, no. Please don’t do this.

  “Um … I’m not sure.”

  “Oh. ’Cause I was just wondering if …”

  “Wait. Don’t we have to add the substrate?”

  Billy looks confused for a second, then he realizes that I’m talking about the experiment and looks at the sheet.

  “Oh, yeah.”

  Meanwhile I’m totally freaking out. Because … OMG, it’s so confusing. Like, I’m Luke’s girl, right? He’s the one who loves me and understands me and who makes me feel all these … things … that I’ve never felt before. He treats me like an equal even though I’m just a kid and he’s this grown-up guy, like he actually respects my opinions, which is something my parents would never do. But Billy is standing right here next to me. Even though I’ve “done things” with Luke that I’d never in a million years think about doing with Billy, I’ve actually kissed Billy. I actually spent practically a whole movie making out with Billy. And it was kind of fun, too.

  “So, like, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to see another movie or something this weekend,” Billy says, talking really fast like he’s afraid I’m going to interrupt him again, and keeping his eyes on the experiment instead of looking at me.

  My thoughts are spinning around so fast I feel like my head’s going to explode. Pictures of Billy’s adorable grin outside the movie theater, the way his lips felt when we kissed. And Luke. :-l U 2-timing me? I told u, I’m the jealous type. The strange sensations I felt when he had me touch myself on the webcam, how he makes me feel so grown-up and desirable.

  I can’t do it. I can’t two-time Luke. He’d be too upset.

  But how would he find out?

  I’d know. And I’d feel guilty.

  “Uh, gosh I’m sorry. I forgot. We’re going away this weekend,” I lie. “Family reunion. Sorry.”

  Yeah, right. Like I even see Dad at the moment. Just having him come home for dinner a few times a week would be enough of a family reunion for me.

  “Oh. That’s cool. Well, maybe another time.”

  Billy’s cheeks are flushed and he finally looks over at me. Now that I see the hopefulness in his eyes, I feel bad about lying. I’m turning into such a Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire these days. I never used to be like this.

  “Yeah, sure. Another time.”

  After I say that I curse myself. Because I can’t do it another time. I can’t do it ever, at least while I’m still Luke’s girl. And as far as I’m concerned, I want to be Luke’s girl forever.

  That night, Luke asks me about my day.

  AbyAngel99: Okay, I guess.

  AbyAngel99: Billy asked me out again.

  BlueSkyBoi: :-l

  BlueSkyBoi: Fucking Science Boy. I want to kill him.

  BlueSkyBoi: What did u say?

  AbyAngel99: No, of course!

  BlueSkyBoi:

  BlueSkyBoi: I’m happy, of course, but why?

  BlueSkyBoi: Out of curiosity …

  AbyAngel99: Duh! Because I’m ur girl, silly!

  BlueSkyBoi: Darling, u just made me a v. happy guy.

  AbyAngel99:

  BlueSkyBoi: I don’t deserve u, honey.

  AbyAngel99: ??

  BlueSkyBoi: Seriously, ur so smart and funny and gorgeous

  BlueSkyBoi: and me … well, I’m nothing special.

  BlueSkyBoi: Ur too good for me, baby.

  AbyAngel99: No I’m not.

  AbyAngel99: I love u.

  BlueSkyBoi: I love u 2, baby.

  AbyAngel99: U understand me better than anyone.

  AbyAngel99: Even Faith.

  BlueSkyBoi: Ur so amazing, Abby. I’m so lucky I found u.

  AbyAngel99:

  BlueSkyBoi: I just wish we could run away to an island somewhere where no one would care that I’m older than u and we could live 2gether and be happy.

  I picture the Abby Redmond doodles in my notebook. Maybe they aren’t so crazy after all. Maybe there is a future for Luke and me. Like when I’m older.

  AbyAngel99: Yeah, that would be cool.

  AbyAngel99: Maybe someday.

  BlueSkyBoi: I’m so jealous of Science Boy.

  AbyAngel99: Why? I said no!

  BlueSkyBoi: Yeah. But he’s the lucky guy who’s tasted those sweet lips of urs. Not me.

  OMG, that’s so romantic! And it’s kind of cute that he’s jealous of Billy. Especially since there’s nothing to be jealous of. Well, okay, maybe there’s a little, if I’m honest. But nothing really. Nothing that I’m going to act on. Because I’m loyal to my guy.

  BlueSkyBoi: Hey, baby, I need to see ur face. Turn on ur webcam.

  I shiver, wondering if my face is all Luke is going to want to see. But I turn on my webcam anyway.

  BlueSkyBoi: Wow. I almost forgot how gorgeous u are. I can’t believe how lucky I am.

  AbyAngel99: Lucky Luke!

  BlueSkyBoi:

  BlueSkyBoi: So, Angel, are u going to make me even more lucky?

  AbyAngel99: How?

  BlueSkyBoi: Show me some more of ur beautiful body, baby.

  Okay, I think. I’ll show him more of my body. I lean back and hold up my foot to the screen.

  AbyAngel99: That’s a part of my body u haven’t seen before ;-)

  BlueSkyBoi: LOL! That’s why I love u, baby. Ur smart, gorgeous, AND u have a sense of humor!

  AbyAngel99: I’ve just got it all, ha ha.

  BlueSkyBoi: U sure do. How ‘bout showing me some more? Maybe put on some music and do me a little striptease since ur in a teasing mood?

  I feel weird about doing it, and he can see it in my face.

  BlueSkyBoi: Remember, honey, there’s nothing to be ashamed about. Ur beautiful. And it’s just u & me. Me and my gorgeous, sexy girl.

  Just me and Luke. Me and my guy. I guess it can’t do any harm, right?

  AbyAngel99: K. But I get to choose the music.

  BlueSkyBoi: Anything u want, baby.

  I grab my iPod and search till I find the song I want. Then I stick it in my speaker and as soon as I hear the music begin I start dancing in front of my webcam.

  Let’s have some fun this beat is sick

  I wanna take a ride on your disco stick

  I sing along with Lady Gaga as I slowly take off my sweater and move my hips to the heavy beat. I glance at my laptop screen and see Luke is rubbing his crotch, slowly, as he watches me.

  Hold me and love me, just wanna touch you for a minute

  By this time I’m down to my bra and panties. Luke has his jeans open and he’s taken his thing out and is stroking it. I keep dancing without taking anything else off, singing along to the words.

  BlueSkyBoi: C’mon, baby. I wanna see every inch of ur sweet skin.

  BlueSkyBoi: I dream about u all day and all night, Abby.

  BlueSkyBoi: Can’t stop thinkin’ abt u, sugar.

  AbyAngel99: K

  I take off my bra and then my panties. I throw them at the webcam, playfully, and they
cover it. Luke won’t like that. I hurry to take them off so he can see me again.

  BlueSkyBoi: Missed u there. OMG, u make me so hard, Abby.

  BlueSkyBoi: Let me see u touch yourself. I love that, baby. It drives me crazy.

  Touching myself with Luke watching is so embarrassing, but it’s also kind of … I don’t know … exciting, I guess. The way he looks at me makes me feel incredible, because I can tell that he’s just so, soooo, into me.

  Daddy I’m so sorry, I’m so s-s-sorry yeah we just

  like to party, like to p-p-party yeah

  Bang, bang, we’re beautiful and dirty rich.

  I might not be rich, but I definitely feel beautiful when I’m with Luke. No one’s ever told me I’m hot and gorgeous and sexy and all that stuff. Not before him. It’s like he’s Prince Charming on a webcam.

  All of a sudden he erupts like a fleshy volcano, and I see his lips move as he groans. I throw on my bathrobe and lean over to type.

  AbyAngel99: Did u like it?

  I see him reach for some tissues to wipe his hands. He does up his jeans and comes closer to the keyboard and the camera, so he can type more easily and I can see him smiling.

  BlueSkyBoi: Did I like it? Baby, I LOVED it!

  AbyAngel99:

  BlueSkyBoi: And I love u, sweet girl.

  BlueSkyBoi: Promise me that u are mine

  BlueSkyBoi: all mine

  BlueSkyBoi: that u won’t go out with Science Boy

  BlueSkyBoi: or let him see

  BlueSkyBoi: or touch

  BlueSkyBoi: what’s mine

  BlueSkyBoi: especially when I can’t do it.

  He loves me. He really loves me. He loves me so much he wants to keep me all to himself. I have to make sure I’m really strong when I’m with Billy. No more wavering over his cute smile. Because Luke is my guy.

  AbyAngel99: I promise.

  BlueSkyBoi: Well, good night, princess. Sweet dreams. U definitely gave me some. I’m gonna be thinking abt u all nite!

  BlueSkyBoi: And all day 2morrow, too ;-)

  CHAPTER 10

  OCTOBER 14

  Faith waves at me, all excited, as I get on the bus the next morning. She looks so disgustingly cheerful I feel like throwing her a punch and going to sit at the back of the bus. But instead I sit down next to her.

  “Guess what?” she asks, almost before my butt hits the seat.

  “What?”

  “Ted asked me out! We’re going to see this independent movie on Saturday. He’s into that kind of thing. Ted says they’re more interesting than the usual bourgeois Hollywood stuff.”

  “The what?”

  “Bourgeois Hollywood stuff. You know, the typical commercial films they show at the multiplex filled with homages to material goods.”

  Huh?

  “What’s wrong with ‘bourgeois films’ all of a sudden? You seemed to really enjoy them not so long ago. Aren’t you the same girl who watched the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy with me seven times, just so she could drool over Orlando Bloom?”

  At least Faith hasn’t been completely brainwashed by The Amazing Ted. She manages to blush.

  “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with bourgeois films. In fact, it was really embarrassing — I had to ask Ted what he meant when he started talking about them. I didn’t have a clue!”

  “So what are you going to see, exactly?”

  “I’m not sure. Some French movie with subtitles.”

  “I guess you won’t be making out then. Not if you have to read the subtitles.”

  “Abby!” Faith punches my arm. “Who says we’re going to make out?” She leans over and whispers in my ear. “Not that I wouldn’t mind, though. Ted is soooooooo hot.”

  Her breath in my ear makes me shiver slightly, but maybe it’s just because her words remind me of Luke.

  “You should memorize the IMDb synopsis before you go, just in case,” I tell her.

  “That’s a great idea,” she says. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

  “Probably because you aren’t a guy. Billy Fisher is the one who told me that trick.”

  “So what’s going on with you two? Are you going out again? Billy told Mike Landau, who told Emily Tunick, who told Gracie, that you were giving him the cold shoulder. I thought you liked him.”

  Wow. That school grapevine works pretty fast.

  “I do like him. I’m just not sure, you know, if I like him.” I hesitate for a moment, trying to decide if I should tell Faith about Luke. I mean not everything, obviously. He said to keep us a secret. But I feel like he’s too important a part of my life to stay totally hidden. Plus, maybe it’ll get back to Billy through the grapevine and get me off the hook. “And, well … I’m kind of seeing someone else.”

  Faith turns to me wide-eyed. “Seriously? You never said anything! Who?”

  “You don’t know him. He … goes to another school. He doesn’t live around here.”

  “Wow. How did you meet him?”

  Oh, snap! Can’t say the Internet. Faith will freak.

  “Um … do you remember the church retreat I went to while you were on vacation with your family this summer? I met him there.”

  “But you never said anything about him! How come I’m just hearing about this now? I’m your BFF, remember?”

  I remember. You’re the one who doesn’t seem to remember.

  “Well, because nothing happened at the retreat. But we’ve been e-mailing back and forth since then, and we kind of hit it off.”

  “That’s great, Abby!” Faith says. “He must be a nice guy if you met him at a church thing.”

  I wonder what Faith would think of Luke if I told her the truth. I’m not sure I want to know. Maybe he’s right about keeping us a secret.

  As we’re pulling up at school, Faith drops the bombshell on me.

  “Maybe when he comes to visit we can double-date!”

  I try to imagine Luke hanging out with me and Ted and Faith at Starbucks or Panera or Urban Pizzeria. Does not compute.

  “Yeah, maybe,” I mumble over my shoulder as we get off the bus.

  When hell freezes over.

  Ms. Forcier hands back the science tests. When she gets to my desk, she places it facedown, and gives me a questioning look before moving on.

  Uh-oh.

  I lift the top edge of the paper and take a peek at my grade. I got a seventy-one — a C-minus — and Ms. Forcier’s written SEE ME AFTER CLASS! in big red letters. It’s the lowest grade I’ve earned in science, ever. OMFG. My parents are going to freak. No, “freaking” is an understatement. They’re going to lose it to the infinite power.

  “How’d it go, Abby?” Billy asks me. “Did our study session pay off?”

  Why can’t he just leave me alone right now?

  “Not exactly.”

  “Oh, no! That sucks. ’Cause you were totally the best good luck charm ever.”

  He shows me his paper, which has a big red A+ at the top. I hate him. Why does he have to flaunt it?

  I force my face into a smile and lie through gritted teeth. “Awesome. Glad I could help.”

  He smiles. “Do you want to help again this weekend?”

  “I … can’t. I’ve got plans this weekend. Family reunion, remember?”

  Billy shrinks in such sudden dejection. He looks like a balloon that someone just let the air out of to make a fart sound.

  “Oh, yeah. I forgot. Well, maybe the weekend after then.”

  “Yeah. Maybe.”

  Or maybe not. I turn back to my lousy C-minus test that I’m embarrassed to let anyone see.

  After class, Billy tries to talk to me again, but I tell him I have to speak to Ms. Forcier.

  “Later then,” he says, shuffling away awkwardly. I feel kind of bad, but not as bad as I do when Ms. Forcier starts asking me about the test.

  “Abby, I’m concerned about this test result. It’s not up to your usual standard of work. Didn’t you study?”

  “No, I st
udied.”

  She looks me straight in the eye, as if to see if I’m lying, which I’m not. I did study.

  Looking over the test, I can’t believe I got so many answers wrong. Answers I totally knew. It’s like I was just … in Lala Land. Or in LukeWorld.

  “Is there something going on that might be causing problems with your schoolwork? Anything you might want to talk about?”

  I look down at the big red C-minus circled on my test paper.

  “No. Nothing.”

  “Are you sure?”

  I messed up one test, okay? Why does she have to act like I’m some Major League Problem Child all of a sudden?

  “Yeah, I’m sure.”

  “Okay. Well, let me know if you need any help. You’re one of my brightest students, Abby, and I’d hate to see your grades suffer because you’re not studying for tests.”

  As I slink out of the classroom, I think, I’ve got to concentrate. But all day in school, it’s impossible because the only thing on my mind is getting home to check the mailbox to see if my gift from Luke has arrived.

  The box is postmarked BOSTON, MA, which seems strange, since Luke’s from New Jersey. But I figure maybe he was visiting family over the weekend or traveling on business or something. I still don’t even know what he does.

  I race inside to the kitchen, get a knife, and open the outer box. Then I take it up to my room and shut the door so I can examine my present in private. Even though Lily isn’t home yet, I don’t want to risk her walking in on me and blabbing about this to Mom and Dad.

  The phone is awesome. It’s red and has a real texting keyboard. Just like Luke promised, there’s a built-in MP3 player, too. I turn it on, and immediately there are already five text messages, one from the phone company and four from a number I don’t know, but when I go to my inbox, they’re all from Luke.

  Hey, baby, welcome to ur new phone!

  Text me NOW.

  Let’s make sweet music!

  Luke n Abby 4ever.

  I find my earbuds and plug them into the phone. Luke’s already made me four playlists, Sweet, Sexy, Hot, and Sensual. I’m not really sure what Sensual is supposed to be about, so I try that one.